overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
