am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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