garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
