i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
