so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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