Cold hands, warm shart.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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