They should really pass out barf bags in church
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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