Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
