I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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