Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
