Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
there is glitter all over my balls
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