Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
