I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
