Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
