I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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