the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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