she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Be still, my beating vagina.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
