at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
