I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
