the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
