If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
