I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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