Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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