So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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