Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
