the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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