he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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