This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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