If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
