I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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