i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
