Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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