I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
