Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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