I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
