how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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