A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
