I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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