If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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