You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
