I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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