We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
