I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
