mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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