feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
