Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Randomize
