New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
