I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
