The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
