i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
