I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
