Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
