She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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