Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
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How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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