oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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