your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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