i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize