Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
