I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
