we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
