1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
