shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
