so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
