and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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