shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
