she woke up with a sticky ear
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
