Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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