pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
