New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
