you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
