"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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